Down & Out
by hopelessxlove
Summary: Malex, after the breakup.
1. Legendary

**Down & Out**

This is after the breakup obviously, there's not really much else to say. Song is legendary by Lou Barlow, this song reminds me of Alex and Marissa's relationship so I thought it'd be a good fit. Probably more than just one chapter, I have some ideas. Enjoy.

Part One: Legendary 

_I know I wanted more than you could give to me  
I know there'll come a day I understand  
until then I'll be trying to solve a mystery  
wonder why I couldn't make you stay_

Alex took another swing from the bottle as she made her way across the deserted beach. This beach was nothing like Newport Beach. Alex stumbled over getting lost in her thoughts, landing in a heap on the floor, laughing miserably as she sat up, realizing half her bottle's contents were already gone. Capping the bottle with her thumb she flipped it over and started making designs in the sand. The alcohol was starting to affect her, she could feel her body begin to warm. 

Looking down at her design she realized what she had written, A + M. Taking her phone out of her pocket she looked at the familiar number, and deleted it. Finally after almost a year she had finally erased Marissa. Standing she kicked at the sand until all traces of the message were gone. This is what Marissa had wanted. Upon her arrival home she fell without a thought onto her couch and fell asleep almost instantly.

_Heal, it takes time  
And you gave me all you had  
I know in time I will believe  
That I loved you, did you love me?_

Marissa looked over at the sleeping figure next to her, and knew that this was her fate. Being with a guy who insisted on being known as, "Volchok", and drinking almost all day, this was her fate because this is what she had let herself become. There had only been one real relationship that she had felt comfortable in, and had faith in. Except she had ruined it because she was Marissa. And she was selfish. The words echoed in her mind, Alex had meant more to her than anyone else had, except she was selfish and she lost her.

Often times she found herself thinking about Alex when all was quiet, she couldn't stop herself no matter how many times she tried to forget the blonde girl. There was something about her that just captivated Marissa, but for some odd reason she had given up on her. Whenever she thought about it, she never really understood why she did it either. Alex had been amazingly understanding and let Marissa go, even though it hurt her. Marissa had seen the heartbreak in Alex's eyes the last time they had seen each other, face to face.

There were precious memories that Marissa held dear to her heart, and most of them included Alex. She found herself thinking about her more and more these days, and couldn't understand why. Whenever she had been feeling lonely or just found herself too engrossed in memories she'd take her phone out and just look at Alex's picture, the picture that Alex had insisted on deleting. She wanted to call her, except whenever her confidence was high enough she'd lose her nerve. 

Marissa knew she had no right to call Alex, not after all this time. She had been the one who had broken up with her, not the other way around. There was no right way to go about what she was feeling. It was too late, once again Marissa had fucked up.

**Review? **


	2. Skeptics and Believers

**Down & Out**

**I'm glad you all enjoy my story I'll try to update more often. Anyways enjoy. Lyrics belong to The Academy Is. I don't own anything. Thanks for all the reviews. **

**Part Two: Skeptics and Believers**

Alex rolled closer to the couch and snuggled up to the backing trying to remain warm. Her phone began to ring, reaching over blindly grabbing at air she ended up rolling right off the couch and onto the wooden floor, right next to her phone. Without even opening her eyes she punched the talk button, "Hmm?" She mumbled incoherently.

"Alex?"  
"Yeah."  
"William Beckett is playing an acoustic show tonight."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, he's playing at The Bait Shop do you want to go?"  
"The Bait Shop?"  
"Yeah…"  
"That's a little far from here." Alex mumbled remembering the venue.  
"If we leave now we can be there before the show starts."  
"What time is it?"  
"Seven tonight."  
"No I meant right now."  
"Oh, uhh it's three."  
"Three?"  
"Yeah so do you want to go?"  
"Sure."  
"I'll pick you up in ten minutes then, bye."  
"Bye." Alex said closing the phone, and closing her eyes.

Ten minutes passed, and Alex heard a rapping at her door. "You know where the key is!" She called from her position on the floor. Moments later a dark haired boy emerged, he stood hovering over her.  
"What are you doing?" He asked giving her the once over.  
"Lying down."  
"Well we gotta go." He said watching her try to get up and fall back down.  
"I have a really bad headache."  
"Hangover?"  
"I think so."  
"Come on, I'll help you." He pulled her up by the hand, and helped steady her. Handing her a glass of water and an aspirin.  
"Thanks Decan." Alex said gratefully, giving him a big hug.  
"It's what I'm here for." He smiled.  
"William Beckett, here we come."

During the car ride to Newport, Alex thought about who she might encounter while there. She hadn't been there in over a year, and wasn't exactly sure she was ready for it. Decan pulled into a spot in the almost full parking lot, and Alex broke out of her thoughts. It was no or never. The two made their way to the stage where the show was already in motion.

"Your selfish, and I'm sorry when I'm gone you'll be going nowhere fast, nowhere fast, nowhere fast. Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you? Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me." William's voice rang out crystal clear, and the words hit close to home for Alex reminding her of Marissa.

Marissa stood on the upper level of the bait shop watching the performance. Noticing a head of blonde hair, she felt her heart literally skip a beat. Volchok came up behind her and rested his hands on her hips, it was her insistence that they go to the show. He followed her gaze at the blonde girl and dark haired boy, feeling jealousy rise in him.

Decan felt eyes on him, and turned looking around, he spotted the two sets of eyes and saw the blonde haired boy's anger. Thinking it was one of Alex's exes because he remembered she'd mentioned she'd lived here before, he put his arm around Alex's shoulder and tightened his grip. Alex looked over at him curiously but didn't think much of it.

Marissa felt her heart break a little at the interaction between Alex and the guy she was obviously with. Her thoughts broke as she felt Volchok kiss her neck. She pushed him away, "Girl's room, be right back." She said kissing him on the lips. He watched her walk down the stairs and leaned his arms on the railing.

"To ever make her feel like she was something special or that she ever really mattered or did she ever really matter? I'm not sayin' that I'm not breakin' some hearts tonight, girl take back everything you ever said you never meant a word of it you never did." As the words left William's mouth, Alex once again felt the song hit close to home. Often times during her relationship with Marissa she had wondered if she'd meant anything to the taller girl.

As Marissa made her way to the girls restroom, she walked slowly behind Alex and ever so gently squeezed her free hand. Then quickly continued to the bathroom. Alex whirled around and looked for the person who had squeezed her hand. It had felt familiar, and she had an idea of who was behind it.

"Are you okay?" Decan asked concern lacing his voice.  
"Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom." Alex made her way to the empty bathroom and saw shoes underneath one stall. Turning the faucet on she splashed cold water on her face, and told herself to breath. Marissa opened the door slowly and upon seeing Alex's face in the mirror closed the door immediately. Alex heard the door slam but before she could do anything, she heard shouts from outside the restroom. Making her way outside she saw a small circle around Decan and a mysterious blonde haired boy.

"Why were you starring at my girlfriend?" The blonde asked, shoving Decan.  
"I wasn't starring at her, why were you two starring at me!" Decan shouted.  
The blonde started laughing and threw a punch at Decan, sucker punching him. Decan stumbled backward, but Alex caught him.  
"You okay?" Alex asked, looking at the blood.  
"Yeah fine." Decan answered. Once Decan was stable Alex made her way towards the blonde and began shoving him.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded.  
"Nothing, tell your boy over there not to look at my girl." Volchok laughed. Decan watched Alex from the side, and decided that maybe they should leave. Walking up to her he grabbed her arm, and started pulling her towards the exit.

Marissa had seen the entire exchange and went up to Volchok. "What was that about?" She asked him, clearly not amused.  
"Nothing, let's get out of here." He said taking her hand and leading her out of the club. When they reached the exit Marissa saw Alex drive away with the dark haired boy, and for the second time that week she knew she had ruined any chance she had with Alex for good.

**Review?**


	3. Chemicals React

**Down & Out**

**I'm thinking of making two alternative endings but I'm not sure yet so here's the next installment, this one is really short. But enjoy and please review. I really wanted to get something out and yeah i'd written this one awhile ago just never updated it. I promise the next chapter will be longer, much. **

Part Three: Chemicals React

Marissa walked up the stairs to an empty house, her mom was gone somewhere with Neil and Summer was probably with Seth. Deciding she didn't want to be home alone she headed back out into the California night and started letting her feet guide her. After half an hour she her feet had stopped moving, and she stood in front of a door.

Slowly she turned the knob, and surprisingly the door opened. Marissa entered the apartment and was shocked to see all of Alex's possessions. Taking a seat on the couch she tried to clear her head, but was soon interrupted. Alex walked into the apartment and stood before her. Marissa stood and headed straight for her arms.

"I missed you." Marissa said into Alex's shoulder.  
"I missed you too." Alex replied hugging her tighter.

When they separated Marissa grabbed her hand, and wouldn't let go. The smile on her face was a permanent attachment. Everything was perfect until she woke up. Marissa sat up abruptly in her own bed, and looked around her. She was alone, but she could have sworn that everything had been real, she still felt a tingling sensation in her hand.

Taking deep breaths, Marissa got out of bed and sat at her desk pulling out a sheet of paper and a pen. Taking her time she penned out everything she had ever wanted to tell Alex, hoping that this would help her in dealing with the fact that it was over. Once she sealed the envelope and addressed it, she crawled back into bed and attempted to go back to sleep hoping she would meet Alex in her dream again.

**Sorry for such a short chapter! I've decided there will be two alternative endings. The first could come after this chapter or after the one after this. I'll mark it as Alternative Ending 1. **


	4. Goodbye My Lover

**Down & Out  
**  
So here's the thing I was really scared that people wouldn't like my first alternative ending and thus wouldn't read the 2nd one, but anyways I decided to go another route so enjoy.

**Part Four: Goodbye My Lover**

Marissa empted the rest of the contents from her flask and looked out at the vast ocean before her eyes. She was taking charge of her life, after seeing Volchok with that girl at prom she realized she could do better. She didn't think she could find anyone like Alex again but she knew she could definitely find someone better than Volchok. Tomorrow night she would be on her way to Hawaii, starting a new life.

Marissa woke the next morning with a slight hangover, but made herself get out of bed because she had a lot to do. After spending the morning with Ryan at the pawn shop, running into a slightly crazed Volchok, and spending time with Seth, Summer and Ryan at the newly remodeled model home she was finally on her way to the airport to start her new journey.

The car ride to the airport was quiet until the vehicle behind the old beat up Toyota land cruiser began ramming them. Marissa turned around in her seat to try to catch a glimpse at the crazed driver, only to see a big van pull up alongside them. She couldn't believe this was happening, the van was trying to run them off the road. After many attempts, it finally succeeded. All she could remember was seeing Ryan hovering over her, and then darkness.

Alex tiptoed through the front door trying to be as quiet as possible, easing the door shut gently behind her. "Alex, you're late" her boss informed her, his arms crossed at the bar.  
"Sorry, I'm working on being on time." Alex mumbled making her way towards him.  
"You know you say that, but I don't see any changes." He stated walking into his office, "You're lucky though, you're the best damn bartender I have."

Three hours into her shift, Alex's phone began to vibrate in her pocket. Ducking under the counter, she fished it out and answered it hurriedly.  
"Hello?" She said peeking over the top at her bosses office.  
"Alex? It's Summer."  
"Summer….hi." Alex said standing back up, looking at her mangers open door.  
"Um listen, can I call you back? I'm kind of busy." Alex said ending the call before Summer could reply. Closing it she shoved it into her pocket, and gave her boss a grin.

Hours later Alex lay sprawled on her floor, she had just gotten off work and was tired. Wanting nothing more than sleep. Except right before she dozed off, she remembered Summer had called her. Alex called Summer, and waited patiently for her to pick up, closing her eyes.

"Hello?" Summer said, sounding disheveled.  
"Summer?"  
"Yeah…"  
"It's Alex, is this a bad time?"  
"Alex? No, um actually I wanted to talk to you."  
"Yeah I figured, is something wrong?"  
"I don't know if it's something to talk about over the phone…" Summer stated sighing a loud.  
"What happened?" Alex questioned, wanting to know what was going on.  
"I have something for you."  
"Is it important?"  
"I don't know, I just have to give it to you. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to do. She told me to give it to you a week after she left, but since the accident…."  
"Wait who's it from?" Alex asked holding her breath, hoping Summer didn't say the name she was thinking of. After a few moments of silence, Alex heard the name she'd been dreading. "Marissa." Another few moments of silence passed, before Alex broke out of her daze.  
"Wait did you say something about an accident? Is she okay?" Alex asked growing concerned. While Summer thought of a way to put the words together, Alex interrupted her. "I'm on my way. I'll be at your house in a few hours."

After hanging up the phone, Alex began to throw a few shirts into a bag, and any other things she might need. In less than five minutes she was in her jeep and speeding off towards Newport, all traces of drowsiness gone. After two hours, and one speeding ticket Alex pulled up to the gigantic house. Hopping out of the car she was startled to see Summer sitting on the doorstep, waiting for her.

Summer stood as Alex drew closer, surprising the blonde girl by pulling her into an awkward hug. Pulling away both took a seat on the doorstep, facing each other.

"She told me to give this to you exactly one week after she left. But the day she was supposed to leave there was an accident." Summer said handing Alex the envelope.  
"What kind of accident?" Alex cut in.  
"The car she was in got run off the road." Summer whispered brushing away her tears.  
"How long ago was this?" Alex asked finding her voice.  
"Two days." Alex looked down at the envelope in her hand, unsure of what to expect. Knowing though that she wanted to see Marissa as soon as possible.

**This chapter turned out slightly different then what I had imagined/planned. But I hope you enjoyed it. And I know I said I had planned on doing alternative endings, but I changed my mind. Anyways tell me what you thought & thank you for reading/reviewing. **


	5. Why We Cry At Movies

**Down & Out**

Thanks for reading this story. I hope you enjoy it. I've been thinking about this story, and I kind of want it to keep going but I'm not sure yet. I guess I'll just play it by ear/how people like the story and such. THIS ISN'T THE FINAL CHAPTER! just to let you know. I do not own anything, so please don't sue me.

**Part Five: Why We Cry At Movies**

Alex sat nervously in the hospital chair by Marissa's bed. It had taken her much persuasion to be let in at this hour, but when Alex set her mind on something she was determined to see it out. Eyeing the unconscious girl Alex felt pangs of pain in her heart. It literally hurt her to see Marissa like that.

Two hours later, Alex turned around at the sound of the door being opened. She watched Julie enter the room, and stop when she saw her. Alex stood, unsure of if she'd crossed some kind of line.

"Mrs. Cooper I…" Alex trailed off not sure of what to say.  
"Alex, has she woken up?" Julie asked concern taking over.  
"Uhm no…" Alex stammered surprised Julie had remembered her name.  
"So what're you doing here?" Julie questioned taking a seat next to Marissa, and holding her hand.  
"I…Well…Summer called me." Alex finished.  
"Oh…Summer's been a good friend." Julie whispered looking at Marissa's almost lifeless body. "She comes in the afternoon and spends all day here."  
"Mrs. Cooper how are you doing?"  
"Honestly how do you think? I'm hanging in there, that's all I can really do."  
"Would it be okay if I visited her?" Alex asked quietly, meeting Julie's gaze. "I mean not to like intrude or anything."  
"You still care about her don't you?"  
"I do." Alex answered honestly almost in audible.  
"I'll talk to the nurse about letting you stay with her during the nights."  
"Okay thank you, I guess I'll be seeing you." Alex said shutting the door quietly behind her.

Alex sat in her jeep, looking at the envelope in her hands. Placing it into the glove compartment box, she started the car and started driving to the only place that felt right. Arriving at the beach, she took the letter and began making her way to her usual spot.

Taking a seat on the sand, Alex pulled the envelope out of her pocket and held it gently, fearing the words it contained. After taking a few deep breaths, Alex slipped her finger under the seal and broke the flap. Pulling the papers out of the envelope, she began to busy herself by smoothing out the folds.

_I had this dream tonight and I swear it was so real. I was walking, and I ended up at your old apartment, and all your stuff was there. And then you came in and just held me. When I woke up my hand was tingling, the one that held yours in my dream. __I don't know if you know this or not, but I was at the William Beckett show. I was the one that squeezed your hand, and my boyfriend was the one that hit yours. _

Alex stopped reading, and re-read the words. Marissa had thought that Decan was her boyfriend.

_Tell him sorry for me, Kevin's kind of a jerk. I don't even really know what I'm doing with him. I guess he just makes me forget everything. But he doesn't make me forget about you, or what we had. No one can make me forget you. _

_You are the only person that can make me feel safe. I don't know if that makes much sense, but I just get this safe feeling when I'm with you. I know nothing bad can happen when we're together. I haven't been able to feel safe in a long time, and since you've been out of my life it's only prolonged. _

"_You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you." _

_I listen to this song constantly because it reminds me so much of you and me. I don't know why I do it, when I was the one who 'ended' it. I wish I hadn't, and I wish I still had another shot with you. But it's asking too much, why would you want to go through something like that again? _

_I was selfish to let you go, and I'm selfish for telling you all this now. I just want you to know that I did love you Alex, actually I do love you. I know I never said it, but its true. To have to say it in this letter is cowardly, but it's the only way I know how to express myself. I don't deserve you, and I never did. You'll always be in my heart. _

"_Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me." _

Alex looked down at the paper in her trembling hands. "God show me it's okay, give me a sign." She whispered looking up at the darkening sky. Small raindrops starting hitting the paper, and the top of Alex's head.

_"Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me." _Alex re-read the words, while tiny raindrops continued hitting her.

**I currently have nothing written so far for the next installment so I'm going to work on that and blah. I hope you enjoyed this chapter it's LONGG but not that long so yep. Next chapter will be up sometime soon, depending on when I finish it. Please review! **


	6. Sixteen Maybe Less

**Down & Out**

Thank you for all the feedback, it really means a lot to me. And thank you for reading, without you there would probably be no drive whatsoever. Enjoy & leave me some feedback.

**Part Six: Sixteen Maybe Less**

Hours later Alex arrived at the hospital, walking into Marissa's room, she stopped when she saw Summer. Standing against the door quietly, she listened to Summer's voice softly talking to Marissa.  
"She came back for you….you have to wake up for her." Alex backed out of the room, leaving a hint of the smell of rain. She shouldn't have been listening, and shouldn't have heard what Summer had said.

Making her way to the cafeteria she bought a salad and sat numbly at one of the tables poking the food, losing her appetite.

"Remember what I said okay Marissa? If you wake up for anyone, do it for her. I know she still cares about you, and I know you care about her. I'll be back tomorrow." Summer said giving Marissa a kiss on the cheek, and making her way to the cafeteria to find some nourishment.

When Summer entered the cafeteria a blonde head caught her attention, making her way towards her she slid onto the bench across from the other girl.  
"Salad?" Summer questioned, eyebrow's raised. Alex shrugged, giving her a grin.  
"As you can see I haven't really eaten any of it." Alex said gesturing to her salad.  
"Yeah I can tell, do you want to go get real food?" Summer asked.  
"Should we leave her on her own?" Alex questioned skeptically.  
"She should be okay, besides I think Ryan's gonna stop by."  
"Ryan…"  
"Don't worry, they're not together or anything." Summer replied quickly.  
"Okay." Alex said hesitantly, standing up slowly.

Summer drove Alex and herself to the diner, and after ordering chocolate chip pancakes they settled into an easy conversation. Mostly about what each had been up to, and what exactly had caused the accident. Alex learned that Marissa's ex boyfriend had been the one who had harmed her, and when she pressed for more information learned that he was in custody.

After they finished eating Summer drove back to her house, surprising Alex.  
"I thought you might want to get cleaned up, take a shower and stuff. Maybe even take a power nap before I take you back to the hospital." Summer said opening her car door. Alex followed Summer through the enormous house, and was lead to Marissa's bedroom.  
"You might find something that'll fit you in here." Summer said pointing to the drawers.  
"Maybe." Alex replied opening a drawer and digging through the piles looking for something that would fit. Picking up two shirts, she held them in front of her, amazed that Marissa had her clothes.  
"I wondered where this went." Alex muttered under her breath, folding the black CBGB shirt.

Placing the black shirt on top of the drawer, she grabbed the yellow shirt with the word mischief on it. A smile spread across her face as she remembered the last time she had worn it. That was the day their relationship had taken the big step. The smile faded as Alex's memories began to flood her mind. Snapping out the daze she made her way to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, Alex lay on Marissa's bed. Her eyes fluttering shut, finally giving into the sleep that had been beckoning her. Alex looked up at the girl before her eyes, amazed her eyes were open.  
"Hi there." Marissa said, her voice crystal clear.  
"Marissaa?" Alex stuttered not believing what was happening.  
"I'm leaving now."  
"What?" Alex questioned jumping out of her seat.  
"Goodbye Alex." Marissa replied giving her a smile, before closing her eyes.

Alex's eyes snapped open, her heartbeat raced frantically. Taking deep breaths, she made her way off the bed and towards Summer's room. Knocking lightly, she entered when she heard Summer's voice.  
"Hey." Summer said when she saw her in the doorway.  
"Hey." Alex said regaining her breath.  
"You okay?" Summer questioned eyeing her wearily.  
"Yeah, um do you think…"  
"I can take you to the hospital now if you want."  
"Okay." Alex said returning her Marissa's room to grab the shirt on the drawer.

The car ride to the hospital was spent in silence, Alex feared telling Summer about her dream. She doubted the smaller girl would want to hear it anyways. Summer looked over at Alex's face a few times, noticing the etches of worry.

"It'll be fine." Summer called when Alex got out of the car. Alex gave a shrug before closing the door, and marching towards the hospital doors. Making her way towards the check-in, she was surprised by the nurse's greeting after only giving her first name.  
"Alex? Oh you must be Ms. Kelly."  
"Um yeah." Alex stammered.  
"I've been told to let you in." The nurse said handing Alex a sticker badge for her shirt with the word visitor.  
"By whom may I ask?"  
"Why Mrs. Cooper-Nichol. She said that you would be coming by to stay with Marissa during the nights. And that you be allowed entrance without any problems."  
"Oh well um thank you, I guess." Alex said giving the women a smile.

Thoughts whirled in Alex's head, Julie Cooper had actually done something nice for her. She'd actually let her stay with Marissa. Something had to be up, Alex remembered the way Marissa had talked about her mom, something was definitely wrong.

However her thoughts stopped when she entered the dark room, turning on the side lamp and taking a seat Alex looked at Marissa. Gently she took her hand in her own, emitting her warmth into her. In Alex's opinion Marissa looked thinner, but she was still beautiful. Marissa had always looked beautiful to Alex, no matter what the circumstance and this was no different.

**Sorry for such a late update. I'm back at school (senior yearblah) but I'll try to update as often as I can. I just wrote this chapter so pardon the mistakes. I want to go to bed but I wanted to give you all something. As always please read, enjoy, and review.**


	7. Daysleeper

**Down & Out**

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I haven't updated. But I mean at least it hasn't been like a month right? Haha anyways I haven't written much of anything for this story, and I'm just going along. Anyways review, and enjoy.

Part Seven: Daysleeper

Alex rested her head on the bed, keeping her eyes locked on Marissa's. Her hands clasped around the unconscious girl's. After a few minutes of silence, Alex became accustomed to it. Knowing that this was how she would be spending her nights she made a mental note to call her boss and let him know.

Options floated around in her head. She could go to work early and get off earlier and head back to Newport to spend the nights with Marissa, but she would have to drive for a few hours everyday to do that. Alex thought about staying with Seth or Summer but thought better of it, she couldn't burden them they had their own things going on. Or she thought she could stay in Newport and find a temporary job, and place to live, except that would cost money. Alex wasn't exactly poor, she made well over enough to get by, however she wasn't Newport rich.

Shaking her head she knew she couldn't afford a place in Newport, she didn't want to spend that kind of money, couldn't spend that kind of money. The more she thought about it the more she wondered what she was doing here. She and Marissa hadn't spoken since their breakup, did she really have a right sitting here and holding her hand?

Alex released one of her hands, and sat up slowly, rubbing her face. She needed to go home, she needed to think, she needed familiarly, she needed to figure things out. She was putting her entire life on hold for someone who broke her heart, but still apparently loves her. The situation made no sense and Alex was caught up in it because she still cared about the girl laying in the hospital bed before her eyes.

When did her life get so confusing? Alex wanted desperately to talk to someone who could help her understand everything that was going on. Except there was no one in the middle of the night she could call because no one really knew the whole situation between her and Marissa. Unless she called Summer, but then it would be weird because Summer was Marissa's best friend, which brought Alex back to square one, when did her life get so confusing?

"Marissa…can you tell me what to do?" Alex asked.  
"When did my life get so complicated? Was it before or after you came into my life? Don't worry though I mean I'm glad you came into my life, I never expected any of this to happen though." Alex looked at Marissa, wondering if she could hear her.

Alex continued talking to Marissa, her voice soft and slow. She told her about what she did after she moved out of Newport, and what her goals and ambitions were.

The dark room began to fill slowly with light, as the sun began it's journey upwards. Alex watched the sun rise quietly from the window, still sitting besides Marissa. Alex continued talking until she heard the door open, and Julie come into view.

"Hi Mrs. Cooper…" Alex said standing.  
"Alex." Julie said looking at Marissa. Slowly Alex began to pull her hand out of Marissa's but felt a slight ever so gentle squeeze.  
"Ohmygod." Alex said in one breath.  
"What?" Julie questioned rushing over.  
"I think...I think she just squeezed my hand."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah." Alex said completely forgetting about pulling her hand back.

Julie rushed out of the room to find a doctor and left a very excited, and very nervous Alex by herself. Seconds later Julie returned with a doctor and nurse who checked the machines around Marissa. The doctor exited the room with Julie, and the two began talking outside the room.

"Are you okay?" The nurse asked Alex who still stood by Marissa's bed.  
"Yeah, I think so." Alex said finding her voice, "So is this a good sign?"  
"Usually it is, it means the she's still there. She's fighting."  
"It was a really gentle squeeze though…." Alex muttered looking at her hands.  
"Be it gentle or not she's fighting to wake up, she's fighting to live." The nurse left the room, and Julie entered a smile on her face.

Before Alex could ask what the doctor had said, Julie began. "The doctor said that if Marissa continued to progress like this, she has a really good chance of waking up."  
"Really?"  
"Really." Julie said a smile still on her face.  
"Wow, that's amazing."  
"Alex, thank you."  
"For what?"  
"For being here, for staying with her. You know you're the only one she's given a reaction to." Alex felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks. "I'll umm come back later, see you tomorrow." Alex said backing out of the room, a smile on her face.

**How was that? Reviews would be greatly appreciated. I'll try to post more soon. Please R&R!**


	8. Wait For It

**Down & Out **

Okay so first off thank you for the reviews, they do mean a lot to me. Secondly I don't know where this story is going to go, and that's really the truth. I'm just writing having my fun. Anyways enjoy and as always please review.  
**  
Part Eight: Wait For It**

Exactly three days had passed since Marissa had squeezed Alex's hand. Exactly three days ago there was a sign that she was fighting. Exactly three days ago, everyone had high hopes that Marissa would soon wakeup. Except three days had passed with no real progress.

Every morning Julie would spend time with Marissa, followed by Summer who spent the afternoons with her, when night fell Alex was the one who would sit with her until Julie returned again. This had been the process for the past three days. Everyone entered Marissa's room, hoping that something would happen that day but nothing ever did. Three days seemed long ago.

By the fifth day since she'd been in Newport Alex knew she had to figure out what she was going to do. Her clothes were running low, and she felt as if she'd been invading Summer's life. Summer had graciously let Alex stay at her house, and on few occasions Alex would run into Julie but they had been cordial to each other so there was never really any uncomfortable-ness.

"Summer I think I need to go home." Alex said having returned from the hospital.  
"Why's that?" Summer questioned from her position at the end of the bed.  
"Because I don't have any clothes left, and I should go to work."  
"What about Marissa though?"

Alex sighed aloud, this was the hard part. Should she stay to be with Marissa or should she go on with her life? The choice was clear Alex still had feelings for Marissa and she couldn't leave her in the state she was in, but she had her own life to deal with. Alex collapsed on the bed in frustration.

"Look you and Marissa are like the same size, that solves your clothes problem. And you were like the manger at the bait shop, can't you get a job there?"  
"Okay first, I feel weird wearing Marissa's clothes, second I probably could get a job at the bait shop but it'd probably be like cleaning bathrooms, and third what about my rent back home? And my job? I can't just leave it all behind." Summer sat quietly deep in thought, while Alex watched her wearily.

"Well I can help you with your rent problem, you should call your boss and see if you can get anymore time off. I mean if you want to stay that is."  
"Summer you know I want to stay, I just don't know if I should. I mean me and her aren't even together. We haven't been together, I don't know what I'm doing here."  
"But you're here." Summer interjected, "Isn't that all that matters?"  
"I wish it was that simple."

A short while later Summer left to go stay with Marissa in the hospital while Alex went to the beach. Taking a seat on the sand she pulled the letter out of her back pocket, and began to read it again.

_You are the only person that can make me feel safe. I don't know if that makes much sense, but I just get this safe feeling when I'm with you. I know nothing bad can happen when we're together. I haven't been able to feel safe in a long time, and since you've been out of my life it's only prolonged._

Hours later Alex arrived at the hospital knowing she'd reached her decision. Diligently she entered Marissa's empty room, and took a seat next to her. Gently she took her hand, and absentmindedly began to stroke it with her thumb.

A few minutes of silence passed before Alex's soft voice filled the room. Doing what she always did whenever she visited Marissa, she began to talk about their past relationship. Bringing up memories about the time they'd spent together, never mentioning the bad times.

"Remember when you asked me out on Valentine's? And how I said no because I thought it was a jinx?" Alex paused as she got caught up in the memory. "Who would have thought that we'd end up at the beach that night. I think it's my favorite memory between us…" Alex trailed off unable to continue.

After the sun had risen Alex stood and stretched her sore limbs. Bending over she gave Marissa a slight kiss on the cheek, and looked at her one last time before leaving the hospital room. Getting into her car she reaffirmed her decision and started driving. Not to Summer's house though, Alex started driving back to her own apartment. Hoping she wouldn't regret her decision.

**I know you all might be a little mad at what I just did. But have faith! Anyways please review, and if you have ideas share them with me! I have nothing written so far, just a few ideas. I'm just going along with whatever. Please R/R!**


	9. Catching My Breath

**Down & Out**

I wanted to write and update a long time ago, but I just didn't have anything written and whenever I tried to write I'd get stuck…But I'll try to update more frequently. You know how it goes though, school, work, friends. Anyways enjoy and review.

**Part Nine: Catching My Breath**

Alex rapped on the door in front of her and waited patiently while someone fiddled with the locks on the other end. When the door swung open, there stood Decan. Alex gave him the once over, starring at his pants.

"Um" She muttered pulling her attention back to his face.  
"Yeah." Decan said a grin plastered to his face.  
"Nice pants? Wait are those my pants?" Alex asked spinning him around so she could see the back. A slight blush crept up his cheeks as he nodded.  
"Why exactly are you wearing girl pants? My pants to be exact?" Alex questioned, quirking an eyebrow.  
"Well see, this girl really digs em and I thought I had a better chance with her if i you know."  
"Decannnn." A voice called from within his apartment.  
"I take it, the pants worked?" Alex asked, nodding towards the voice. Decan flashed her one of his million dollar smiles.  
"I'll call you later okay?" He said before closing the door.  
"Yeah, have fun and be safe."

When she returned to her apartment Alex did the only thing she could think of, slept in her own bed. However before collapsing onto the heap of sheets and blankets she pulled her clothes out of the bag and threw them into a laundry basket.

"Shit, shit, shit." Alex muttered looking through the basket, unable to find her black CBGB shirt. Once again she'd lost her favorite shirt. A frustrated Alex crawled into bed, and closed her eyes waiting for sleep to come over her exhausted body.

When Alex awoke she looked out the window towards the early evening sky. Taking a quick shower, she threw on some clothes and headed towards the bar. Walking into the almost full bar, her manger spotted her and gestured for her to go into his office.

"Alex" He said while closing the door, and turning to face her. Alex held up one of her hands to silence him.  
"Billy, I know what your going to say. I'm sorry okay? Something came up."  
"Are you okay now?" The older man asked. Alex was one of the best bartenders he had, and he looked after her like she was one of his own.  
"Honestly? So much has happened in the past week, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore."  
"What do you mean supposed to do? I didn't know there were things we were supposed to do in life." he said taking a seat across from her.  
"I guess its more what I need to do and what I want to do."  
"Care to elaborate?"  
"It's a long story."  
"I've got time."

Alex proceeded to tell Billy, her boss about her past relationship with Marisa. All the good times, all the bad times, the jealously, the lies, and the breakup. "And the thing is she got into a car accident like a week or two ago, I can't even really remember days everything just kind of blurred together. So anyway her best friend called me and said she'd been in an accident and that there was a letter for me. And me being the type of person I am, dropped everything and went back to Newport. I ended up staying every night by Marissa's bed side. And I guess early this morning I decided I had to move on with my life. So here I am. " Alex sighed aloud after finishing her story.

Billy sat quietly mulling over everything she'd just told him. "Well obviously your not happy with your decision?"  
"I knew I wouldn't be happy with it, it was just something that needed to be done. I had no right to be there with her. We were over, we were done."  
"Then why'd you stay? Why'd you even bother going to Newport?"  
"I don't know."  
"You want to go back don't you?"  
"I don't know."  
"Do you still care about her?"  
"Yes, I've always cared about her. Never really been able to stop myself. She's not easily forgettable. Despite everything."  
"Your not easy to forget either Alex. I bet you if she was awake she'd be missing you like hell right now."  
"You don't know that."  
"No I don't, but you don't know if it could be true or not. Either way your taking a big chance right? You won't know the full truth, and it'll be in the back of your mind bothering you if you don't go back. Take a chance Alex. I mean hell she could have woken up by now and be asking for you right? You won't know unless you go back there, it's obvious that your worried about her and that you care. So why not go back and show her how worried you are, and how much you care? Forget about everything else and just do what your heart tells you to."

After Billy's speech, the room was filled with the sound of the clock. Neither said anymore, until Alex looked up at him.  
"You know for an old man you sure have some good advice."  
"Words of wisdom. No need to thank me." He smiled.

Alex exited the room and into the nearly vacated bar. Jumping into her jeep she started making her way back towards Newport, knowing that at least for tonight she needed to see Marissa. There were still a lot of things nagging at Alex, but all she knew was that one way or another she needed to see Marissa.

**How was that? I'm sorry for just a delayed update. Please review!**


	10. Hopeless Love

**Down & Out**

Thanks for the reviews. This chapter is based more on Alex and Ryan. Sorry it took me so long to update. This chapter's not that long, but its better than nothing! Anyways enjoy and review.

**Part Ten: Hopeless Love**

Alex entered the dark hospital room, easing the door shut she turned around surprised to see a hunched over figure near Marissa. Walking slowly she placed a hand on the dirty blonde haired boy's shoulder, causing him to stir. His eyes began to open, and he turned his head in her direction.

"Hey" he yawned, sitting up.  
"Hey, how're you doing?" She whispered back, taking a seat next to him.  
"I'm okay, tired I suppose. What're you doing here?"  
"Came back."  
"For her?" Ryan asked gesturing towards Marissa. Alex merely nodded, her eyes becoming soft.  
"Julie said you weren't here this morning when she got here, and Summer said you never went back to her house. No one knew where you went." Ryan said, Alex looked away. "Sorry."  
"Well I'm glad you came back." He offered.  
"Yeah? Why's that?"  
"Because… she needs you." Ryan answered after while.  
"Are you scared?" He asked.  
"Little bit."  
"What're you scared of?"  
"That she won't wake up, and that if she does she won't know me, or want me."  
"Why would you think that?"  
"Haven't you seen those soaps on TV? The girl in the car accident usually loses her memory."  
"True, but she usually regains her memory and falls in love with the person who she sees sitting by her bedside."

Alex sat with surprise written all over her face. Ryan had completely caught her off guard by what he had said. Ryan sensing he had said too much, began to blush, but because of the darkness his cover wasn't blown.  
"Well I mean, its what I hear from Seth. You know how he likes to watch those…Anyways why would you think she doesn't want you?"  
"I don't know, its just what I've always been afraid of. When we broke up, when she left me for you…"  
"Alex…she didn't leave you for me…she was confused. She didn't know what she wanted."  
"That's what I'm afraid of."

Ryan remained silent, he didn't have anything to say to Alex that would help the situation. He knew exactly what she was going through, because Marissa had put him through the same situation. Except he knew deep down that it would work between them, when Alex left Newport Marissa hadn't been the same. That he had been sure of.

"Look Alex, whatever happens, happens."  
"I know, it's how I look at life. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. It just hurts sometimes when you can't have what you want most."  
"Tell me about it." Ryan muttered turning his gaze back to Marissa.  
"Can I ask you something?"  
"Yeah, go ahead."  
"What're you doing here."  
"I didn't want her to be alone."  
"Do you still care about her?" Alex questioned, her voice skeptical.

Ryan sighed, and clasped his hands together. His head dipped lower as he returned his gaze to her. He'd never been the type to share his feelings, but since the accident he'd been doing a lot of thinking.  
"I was with her the day she got in the accident, I was the one that pulled her out. Seeing her like that made me realize that I'd always been saving her, she was always a mess and I was the one that always rescued her. Do I care about her? Yes. Do I love her? It's hard not to, we've been through so much." Ryan said the last part quietly, licking his lips.

The two sat side by side, surrounded by silence, both watching the girl their hearts ached for.

**Reviews are nicee. **


	11. Still Searching

**Down & Out**

Thanks for continuing to read this story, it means a lot to me that you guys actually read it. Thanks for the reviews too, they really keep me motivated.

**Part Eleven: Still Searching**

Alex sat numbly in the chair, one hand supporting her head, and the other gently holding Marissa's. Ryan had left hours ago, after the silence had become too much. He muttered an excuse of having to go home, and pack. But Alex had known better, he needed to get out of the room. He needed to get away from Marissa's presence.

"Oh…Marissa." Alex said, gently stroking her hand with her thumb.  
"I wish you'd wake up already, you've got a lot of people worrying. Especially me. You know your mom's here like everyday…and Summer too. She should be getting ready for Brown, but she decided not to go for now. She still has a month before school starts, but she wants to be here with you. You're lucky to have so many people that love you."

A few beats of silence passed, "You know Ryan still loves you….and I do too." She added even more softly.

Rising out of her seat, Alex dug her hand into her pocket and fished something small out. Leaning over Marissa, Alex moved her hair out of the way and tied the layered black necklace around the sleeping girls' neck. Ducking her head lower to Marissa's ear, "I don't know what you did to the heart that we stole from Jodie, but here's mine."

Sitting back down, her mind began to wander about thoughts regarding what Billy had said, and what Ryan had told her. There was only one thing missing, no one really knew what Marissa felt. Sure Alex knew she loved her, it said so in the letter. But how old was that letter? Alex thought to herself.

Alex's eyes began to droop, and her hand slowly descended. After a few minutes she was sound asleep with her head resting on the bed, her hand still holding Marissa's. After an hour, Alex was in a peaceful slumber.

Slowly Marissa opened her eyes. With great effort she got them open, and looked around the dark room. She felt as if she'd been sleeping for ages. Nothing looked familiar. Feeling a warmth in her hand she looked down surprised to see someone was holding it. Glancing to the top of the blonde's head, Marissa had no idea who it was.

Straining her memory she remembered fragments of words. Someone had been talking. She remembered hearing a voice, a soft, beautiful voice. A puzzled looked crossed Marissa's face, she had no idea who had been talking to her, nor who was holding her hand. The curiosity in her was begging for her to find out who this stranger was, except the only problem was the stranger's face was turned away, and Marissa found it difficult to move her body. It seemed like she'd been sleeping for so long that her body had forgotten how to move around.

After much effort, she wore herself out. Feeling sleep creep up on her, she gave the blonde haired person one last glance before closing her eyes again.

**How was that? **


	12. Over My Head

**Down & Out**

The last chapter I posted got a lot of reviews, the most I've ever received for a chapter ever! I hope this trend continues, but seriously thanks for all the reviews

**Part Twelve: Over My Head**

Alex sat at the corner table, across from Summer. They'd been sitting and talking for the past hour. Julie had been unable to come in that morning because of an important meeting regarding Caitlin.

They're voices were hushed, and they sat leaning forward whispering. Seth had given Summer a few sketches to show Alex, so the two sat discussing the drawings.

Slowly Marissa opened her eyes, and looked at the two sitting away from her. Summer began to laugh at something Alex had said, catching Marissa's eye though she abruptly stopped. Rushing over to her side, Summer began to cry.

"Oh my god, your awake." She said brushing her tears away.  
"Who are you?" Marissa asked, her mouth was dry and her voice cracked.  
"Marissa it's me Summer…your best friend."  
"Marissa?" She said clearly bewildered.  
"I'm going to get a doctor." Alex stated getting up and exiting the room.  
"Who is she?" Marissa questioned.  
"That's Alex…you really don't remember me?"  
"Alex, Alex, Alex…she looks familiar…her voice….."  
"You know Alex but you don't know me?" Summer's voice had began to crash, this was a lot harder than she'd expected.  
"I'm sorry, but everything's kind of fuzzy."

The doctor entered the room, and glanced briefly at Marissa's chart, a smile on his face. "Welcome back, we had quite the scare."  
"Who are you?" Marissa asked, it seemed like that's the only thing she could ask people.  
"I'm Dr. Jacobson. How do you feel right now?"  
"I feel tired."  
"That's common, after the accident you had I expected you to be in a lot of pain."  
"Accident?"

Their voices filtered through room, but Alex didn't hear any of it. After she went to get the doctor she'd stayed outside the room, and sat on the linoleum waiting. Even after Dr. Jacobson left, Alex remained on the floor, her mind working fast.

"Where's that girl?" Marissa asked Summer.  
"Who Alex?"  
"Yeah, Alex…"  
"You know I don't really know, do you want me to go find her?"  
"It's okay."

The words temporary memory loss began to pound through Marissa's head, she had a hard time realizing that she knew all the people who had come by to see her. She knew they're names and faces were located somewhere in her mind, but for the life of her she couldn't place them.

Seeing their crestfallen faces when she had to ask them who they were, really dug a hole in her heart. Summer had remained by her side the entire day, but the Alex girl hadn't come back. Marissa didn't know why, but she really wanted to talk to her.

After many hours, and many faces seen, Marissa began to get tired. Summer noticing the droopiness of her eyes, told her she'd be back tomorrow. Marissa's eyes closed, and her breathing became calm. When Summer exited the room, she saw Alex sitting by the door, knees drawn up.

"Hey" Summer said, standing in front of her. Alex looked up but said nothing. "What're you doing out here?"  
"Thinking."  
"Have you been out here all day?"  
Alex merely nodded her head, "Well Marissa's asleep….she was asking for you. It seems like you're the only one she thinks is familiar."  
"What do you mean?" Alex questioned, her eyes big.  
"She said that you looked familiar and that your voice sounded familiar."  
"How's that possible?"  
"I don't really know, but if you wanna go in you should." Summer held her hand out to Alex, who gratefully accepted.

Once she was on her feet, she began to stretch. Waving at Summer, Alex entered the room, and took the seat Summer had vacated. Taking Marissa's hand, she gently began to run her thumb over her knuckles.

Marissa awoke instantly, her breathing rapid. Alex who had been watching her sleep, sat surprised that she'd woken up, while concern washed over her face.

"Are you okay?" She asked, continuing to run her thumb over Marissa's knuckles.  
"I..I had a nightmare I think."  
"What happened?"  
"I was in a…a…car accident." Alex sat awhile contemplating if she should tell Marissa, she had been a car accident.  
"What happened after that?" Alex asked, deciding to tell her later.  
"I was trapped…couldn't get out…then I woke up."  
"It'll be okay now."  
"Your…your...Alex…right?"  
"Yeah, how'd you know that?" Alex's voice was calm, she was trying to contain her emotions.  
"Your voice sounds familiar…when I heard you talk this morning you sounded like someone I knew. We do know each other right?"  
"Yes, we do."  
"Are we friends?"  
"Yes."  
"Are we close?"  
"We used to be at one point in time."  
"What happened?"  
"We grew apart."

Marissa was still confused by a lot of things that had happened that day, but with Alex she felt calm, she felt like things would be okay. Marissa looked down at her hand, and gave Alex a squeeze. Alex surprised by the action, gave her a smile, which Marissa gratefully returned.

**I still have a lot planned for this story, I just wanted to let you all know that! Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are always appreciated. **


	13. Memories of Skeletons

**Down & Out**

**Sorry for the delayed update, but I've been stuck on how to continue this! I have a lot of ideas, but it's hard. Anyways enjoy. **

Part Thirteen: Memories of Skeletons

Alex returned to Summer's house shortly after the sun had risen, and saw Julie packing a bag. Alex stood in the doorway, arms crossed, watching Julie move around Marissa's room.

"Oh Alex, I didn't even see you there." Julie said, straightening.  
"Um what's going on? I mean…what're you doing?" Alex asked trying to not sound awkward.  
"I'm just getting some things to help Marissa jog her memory. The doctor said that if we bring things it could help her remember."  
"Oh…" Alex trailed off.  
"Don't worry Alex, just because your staying here doesn't mean I'm going through your stuff." Julie added with a slight laugh. Alex offered her an uncomfortable smile, while she left the room.

Alex made her way to the kitchen, where she saw Summer leaning on the countertop. A package of Oreo's sat in front of her, a third of them gone, alongside a glass of milk, already halfway empty.

"Hey." Alex said taking a cookie and pulling it open, licking the cream.  
"Hey." Summer replied, taking another cookie and dunking it into the milk.  
"So Julie's bringing a whole bunch of stuff to try and help Marissa remember. Are you going to bring anything?"  
"Yeah, I'm going to bring her care bear, her ipod, and pictures. What about you?"  
"I don't know, I don't really have anything of significance."  
"Does she know about the two of you? Like your history." Summer questioned taking another cookie.  
Alex shook her head, "I don't know if I should even tell her. You know what I mean?"  
"Yeah" Summer nodded.  
"It's a little early to be eating Oreo's don't you think?"  
"It's never too early to eat Oreo's." Summer said giving her a smile.  
"I didn't see Caitlyn when I came in, has she seen Marissa?"  
"You didn't hear did you?"  
"Hear what?"  
"Caitlyn when back to boarding school. With everything that's happened to Marissa…Julie just thought it'd be a better idea at least for now."  
"Oh, no wonder I didn't see her. Well I'm going to go get some sleep, and figure out what I'm going to bring…maybe I'll see you at the hospital?"  
"Probably."  
"And hey Summer?" Alex called from the doorway.  
"Yeah?"  
"Don't eat all of those."

------

"Hey Marissa, how're you doing today?" Summer asked walking into the sunshine filled room.  
"I'm doing good…your Summer right?" Summer merely nodded her head, glancing at her watch. Two o' clock, she was an hour early.  
"Where's your mom?"  
"She left, got a important call or something. She didn't want to leave, but I told her to just go."  
"I brought some of your stuff", Summer said placing the bag on the chair, and taking out the purple bear. "This is yours, thought you might like some company when none of us are here, which is pretty much never huh?"

Marissa giggled, she hardly had a minute to herself. Whenever someone left, someone would come in.

"What else did you bring?" Marissa asked, anticipating what would come out of the bag next. Summer pulled out the ipod, and placed it in front of Marissa.  
"What's this?"  
"It's your ipod…"  
"Ipod?"  
"It plays music, all of your favorite music is on here." Summer said, pressing the play button. London Calling by the Clash resumed playing. Turning it off, Summer placed it on the nightstand, and pulled out a stack of pictures.  
"Do you think this'll help me?" Marissa questioned.  
"I don't know, but it's worth a shot." Summer held up a picture of the two of them in their caps and gowns, "This is from graduation."

The process continued for a few hours, Marissa remembered some things, and didn't remember others, but she was making progress.

"This is from when we went to"  
"TJ" Marissa interrupted taking the picture, and examining it. Before Summer could say anything Alex entered the room.  
"Hey" Alex said placing her backpack on the ground.  
"Hey" Summer said, "Marissa I'll be back tomorrow with more pictures okay?"  
"Sure, did you...um did you used to call me Coop?" Marissa asked.  
"Yeah, that was my nickname for you…you remember that?"

Marissa merely nodded her head. Summer stood and gave her a hug, then began gathering her things, while Alex remained standing by the door shuffling her feet.

"So did you bring me a gift or something to help me remember?" Marissa asked once Summer had left. Alex gave her a smile before making her way towards the bed.

It had been hard for her to figure out what to bring, mostly because she didn't know if she should remind Marissa about their past relationship. But in the end she had figured it out, unzipping her bag she took out a business card, and a bottle of sand. She placed both items on the tray in front of Marissa, and opened the bottom drawer on the nightstand pulling out a black shirt.

"Okay so this," Alex said, holding the card up. "Is from the Bait Shop. We used to hangout there a lot, I used to work there. Does it ring a bell?" Marissa closed her eyes, and held the card.  
"I remember seeing a girl play on the piano…But the rest is fuzzy…sorry."  
"Don't be sorry, your right we did see a girl play…we saw Rachael Yamagata play."  
"She played the reason why." Marissa whispered, her eyes still closed.

Marissa remembered seeing Alex standing alone by the stage, she made her way towards her and took her hand in her own.

Alex bit her lip, she didn't know if Marissa remembered anything else from that night. "Yeah, this is from the beach. We used to hangout there." Alex said, breaking Marissa out of her memory. Alex unscrewed the bottle cap, and a slight ocean smell emitted into the room. Marissa closed her eyes, and watched the scene replaying in her mind. Alex and her were sitting on the beach, side by side.

"It was Valentine's Day when we were there right?" Marissa questioned opening her eyes slowly. Alex nodded, "And this is my favorite shirt. You used to borrow it a lot." Alex smiled at the memory, as did Marissa. Images of her wearing the shirt came to mind when she felt the shirt in her hands.

"So did I help at all?" Alex asked.  
"Yeah, I remember some things, some of it's still kind of fuzzy though."  
"Well that means your making progress. I thin-" Alex said stopping mid sentence when her phone began to ring. "One second," She said to Marissa opening her phone, "Hello? Yeah…Okay I'll be there. Yeah…Yeah….No I'll be there. Just I'll need an hour or two…Yeah…Keep him safe." Alex said quietly, closing her phone and starring at it.

"What happened?" Marissa asked.  
"That was my boss Billy…my friend Decan is really drunk…and he wants to talk to me…I think something happened. I'm sorry, but I have to go see him."  
"It's okay, go. He needs you."

Alex looked at Marissa with sad eyes. Marissa's eyes showcased a firm standpoint. "Hurry up." Marissa said giving her a smile. Alex let a small smile form on her lips, and gave Marissa a kiss on the cheek, before leaving the room. When Alex was gone, Marissa put her hand where Alex had kissed her. "There's definitely something about her." Marissa whispered to herself.

**How was that? Longer than my last one I think. Anyways I hoped you all enjoyed it! Please review. **


	14. For You I Will

**Down & Out**

**Thanks for the reviews, as always please enjoy and review. **

**Part Fourteen: For You I Will**

Marissa lay awake in the bed she'd been confined in for the past few days. It was hard for her to fall asleep, without Alex's comforting hand in her own, and without Alex's thumb grazing her knuckles. She'd grown accustomed to the feeling, and at that moment she realized how much she missed it. She'd also grown accustomed to the sound of Alex's voice, without it the room was utterly and eerily quiet.

Marissa grabbed the ipod sitting next to her, and turned it on. Looking through her play lists the first one caught her attention. It was simply named, A. Without bothering to see what songs were on the list, she selected the first song, and closed her eyes letting Rachael Yamagata's voice lull her to sleep.

Alex glanced at the clock on her dashboard, she'd been driving for almost an hour and a half. Parking her jeep in the nearly deserted parking lot, she jumped out and made her way towards the bar. It was eleven, and the bar was surprisingly empty, except for a lone figure slumped forward in his stool.

"Hey." Alex said sitting next to the man with empty shot glasses in front of him.  
"Alexxx." He drew out, "Your backkkk…"  
"Yeah Decan, I am. Looks like you had a lot to drink."  
"He didn't really have that much, he wanted extra glasses so he could pour them into each other. You know how he is." Billy said, wiping another glass.  
"Makes sense, if he drank all of these he would have passed out by now." Alex muttered, gesturing towards the glasses. "So Decan, you gonna tell me what happened?"  
"Nothingg. You left me!" He bellowed, putting his head down on the counter.  
"I didn't leave you. You know I had to be in Newport."  
"You left me for a girrrlll. I needed you." Came Decan's semi muffled reply from the counter.  
"I didn't leave you for a girl. I'm here now, tell me what happened."  
"I'm sad." He stated simply.  
"Why're you sad?"  
"She broke up with me." Alex placed a hand on his back, and began rubbing circles, trying to give him some comfort.

Alex knew Decan was hurting. He was the type of guy that would do anything for a girl, he would treat her right, and do whatever he could in his power to make her happy. But his downfall was he fell fast, and hard.

"It'll be okay Decan." Alex said choosing her words wisely. Alex stopped moving her hand, and leaned in close to the counter, listening to his heavy breathing. She knew he'd fallen asleep.  
"Should I take him home?" Alex asked Billy, who was clearing the glasses in front of Decan.  
"Nah he'll be okay. He can sleep it off on the couch in my office."  
"Okay." Alex said standing up, she took Decan by the hand, and swung his arm around her neck, supporting his body with hers. Staggering at first, she made it to Billy's office, where she dumped Decan on the couch. Grabbing a blanket from the drawer, she flung it over Decan and made her way back to the bar. Jumping onto a stool, she rested her elbows on the countertop, watching Billy.

"You want anything to drink?" Billy questioned.  
"Um can I get a glass of water?"  
"Water? In a bar?"  
"Gotta drive back to Newport, you know how it is."  
"No I don't, you never check in with me!" The older man said with a laugh. "So how're things going with you and your girl?"  
"Okay, first she's not my girl."  
"Fine Alex, how are things going with the girl that's not your girl."  
"They're…" Alex said starring off into space.  
"That's very specific, I'm glad you could tell me that much." He replied placing a bottle of water in front of her.  
"Well it's just…hard."  
"How so?"  
"I haven't told her about our history…"  
"Why is that?"  
"I don't know if I'm ready to relive it…I mean by like actually telling her, everything. You know what I mean? I mean when she was unconscious I talked about us, what we used to be…but now that's awake and can respond to things I say, it changes it." He merely nodded, as a sign for her to continue.  
"Like today, I brought some stuff to help her memory and whatnot."  
"Did it help? Did she remember?"  
"She remembered parts of things…key things in a sense." Alex said taking a swing of the water.  
"Why are you scared Alex?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Trust me I know the scared Alex look. I know you convey this bad ass attitude all the time, but the look I see in front of me is not the bad ass. I see a girl, who doesn't know what to do from here, and I see a girl who's scared out of her mind. So tell me what's scaring you."

Alex took another sip of her water, and placed it down in front of herself slowly. Trying to formulate the simple words in her mind, and in her heart. "I think I'm really falling for her again…and I don't know if I'm ready for her to hurt me once more."

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated. **


	15. Bound To Happen

**Down & Out**

**By far the longest story I've ever written, chapter wise and whatnot. Anyways i've got some good stuff coming up. Keep the reviews coming, they motivate me! and as always enjoy. **

**Part Fifteen: Bound To Happen**

It was two am, when Alex re-entered Marissa's hospital room. Taking a seat by her bed, she watched the girl before her eyes. Billy's words echoing in her mind, "What's the point of living if you don't get hurt once in awhile? At least your living, at least your not hiding away from life. I say take the chance, you never know what'll happen. Look how far you've gotten. If your really scared she'll hurt you, and you can't handle it, then don't go back. But if you really love her, give her another shot. What's left to lose?"

Alex took Marissa's hand in her own, and leaned forward, her elbows resting on the bed. Kissing her hand gently, Alex sat wondering if history would repeat itself.

Marissa's eyes slowly opened, and she used her free hand to take her headphones off. She gave Alex's hand a squeeze before breaking out into a smile.  
"Hey." She said, clearly happy to see her.  
"Hi" Alex said returning the smile.  
"How'd it go?"  
"Hmm? Oh well he was drunk, and sad. I talked to him for a little bit then he fell asleep."  
"Why was he sad?"  
"His girlfriend broke up with him." Alex said avoiding Marissa's eyes.

Marissa took her hand back from Alex, and moved over slightly. Patting the area next to her, "Sit by me." She said unsure of Alex's answer, hoping she would. Alex looked up at her with a heavy heart.  
"You really want me to?" Marissa nodded, smiling at her once more.

Alex stood, and sat slowly on the bed. Swinging her feet onto the bed, she maneuvered herself, so that one arm was draped around Marissa's shoulder. Marissa in turn, leaned her head on Alex's shoulder. Which brought forth a fresh batch of memories for both girls.  
"Alex has anyone ever hurt you really bad?" Marissa whispered. Alex pondered the question, before deciding to be honest. "Yes."  
"What'd you do?"  
"I left, tried to forget them. Tried to move on, but it was hard."  
"I'm sorry."  
"For what?" Alex asked gulping.  
"For someone hurting you, for you having to go through something like that." Alex tightened her grip around Marissa, "But it's a part of life, it happens to everyone."  
"I'm glad I can't remember anyone hurting me, I don't like to be sad." Alex leaned her head on top of Marissa's, going over what she'd just said.

This Marissa was a lot more innocent then the one she used to know.

"Can I tell you something?" Marissa asked, taking Alex's hand.  
"Anything."  
"This is going to sound weird, but when I was unconscious I remember holding your hand, and hearing your voice. Not like exactly what you said, but pieces, fragments…Since I've woken up I've only gotten more used to your presence and when you were gone today, I missed you."

Alex sat unable to answer, she just started running her thumb over Marissa's knuckles, like she'd been doing for the past few days. Marissa unsure if she'd crossed the line, changed the topic. "I tried walking today."  
"How'd that go?"  
"It was hard."  
"I bet it was."  
"I did more leaning on people than actual walking."  
"Do you want to try it again?"  
"Only if you promise not to let go."  
"I promise I'll never let go." Alex whispered, releasing her arm from around Marissa, and getting off the bed.

Marissa moved her legs to the edge of the bed, and Alex helped her get them to the ground. Her legs wobbled for second, but Alex was there and supported her. True to her word, Marissa just leaned on Alex as she tried to move around the room.

When it was clear Marissa was tired, Alex stood in front of her and slowly guided her back to her bed. But before sitting down, Marissa wrapped her arms around Alex's neck, embracing her. Instinctively Alex wrapped her arms around Marissa's back. Marissa leaned her head on Alex's shoulder, and her legs wobbled, but she had no fear of falling. It was almost as if they were dancing.

"You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you." Marissa sang into Alex's shoulder. Alex froze, that was the song that Marissa had mentioned in the letter. After she put Marissa back into the bed, she resumed her position in the chair next to her.

"I know that song." Alex said slowly.  
"Me too, I was listening to it on my ipod. I like it, it's good. But it's sad." A frown adorned Marissa's face, Alex took her hand and tipped her face forward so they were seeing eye to eye.  
"Hey, don't be sad, remember you said you don't like to be sad."  
"Yeah, I know." Marissa said giving her a small smile, before closing her eyes.

**No worries I still have ideas for this story. Reviews would be amazingly wonderful.**


	16. Dark Blue

**Down & Out**

**I have tons in mind for this story, just bear with me. Reviews are always, always, always appreciated. **

**Part Sixteen: Dark Blue**

When Marissa awoke the following morning, Alex was gone. In her place was Summer.  
"Hey" Summer said when she saw Marissa's eyes open.  
"Hey, what time is it? Usually I see my mom first thing."  
"It's like two, your mom thought you fell back into your coma. She freaked a little when she got here and you weren't awake. But the doctors told her you were probably just sleeping. So tell me Coop why are you sleeping at two exactly?"

Marissa smiled at the nickname Summer had used, "I guess yesterday just wore me out."  
"Yesterday? You mean the whole remembering thing?"  
"Yeah…" Marissa trailed off.  
"Oh my god, spill. Your not telling me something!" Summer exclaimed.  
"Well me and Alex were hanging out."  
"Hanging out?" Summer questioned, her eye brow raised.  
"You know talking…can I ask you something? But you have to promise not to judge or tell anyone." Marissa said raising her pinky.  
"Okay, okay. I promise on our friendship I wont tell anyone." Summer replied hooking her pinky with Marissa's.

Summer leaned forward, as Marissa sighed deeply. Her mind a clockwork.

"Did me and Alex…were we ever…wereweevertogether?" Marissa muttered in one breath, sighing aloud. Summer sat silent, contemplating what to tell Marissa.  
"Now would be a good time to say something."  
"Right. Sorry, I was just thinking. Do you like her or something?"  
Marissa blushed at Summer's comment, "She's a really good person, and I like spending time with her, and I miss her when she's not here."  
"Well Coop, it sounds like you like her to me. Now to answer your question, your going to have to ask her." Summer said smiling.  
"You suck, you know that?" Marissa joked.  
"No Coop, I don't suck. I blow. Just kidding, that'd be ew."  
"Wow that was just…wow."  
"Ew, oh my god you believed me? That's just ew."  
"Hey you went back to saying ew to everything."  
"I'm glad you can remember that much about me, the old me anyway. Would it be okay if Ryan came by later? He wanted me to run it by you."  
"Ryan?"  
"Yeah, remember in those pictures I showed you?"

---

Hours passed before Summer left, and Ryan entered. He stood awkwardly in the doorway for awhile, before making his way towards the empty seat. Upon sitting down, he opened his jacket and pulled out a rolled up comic book.

"Seth told me to give this to you, in case you get bored. He also says sorry for not visiting, he has a thing against hospitals, but he'll make it up to you when you get out." Ryan said putting the comic book in front of her.  
"So how come you never visited me till now?" Marissa questioned, giving him a smile so he knew she meant no harm.  
"It just never seemed like a good time, but I'm leaving soon so I figured I should see you before I go."  
"Leaving? To where?"  
"I'm going to move into my dorm room early, get settled…"  
"Oh, that must be nice."

Ryan leaned back in his chair, while Marissa started giggling.  
"What's so funny?"  
"Nothing…just you're afraid of heights." She said with a smirk. Ryan laughed, not surprised that she would remember that about him.  
"I know we had a history together mostly because Summer told me and because I remember things, but can I ask you something?" Marissa asked, a serious look on her face. He merely nodded, as a sign for her to proceed.  
"I know we were together, but were me and Alex ever…you know together too?"  
"Um…"  
"The only reason I'm asking is because Summer wouldn't tell me, and told me to ask Alex myself." Ryan leaned back into the plastic seat, and sat on his hands. "Yeah, you should ask Alex…" He said avoiding her eyes.

If he had known Marissa would have asked about Alex, and that it would have hurt, he doubted he would have gone to see her. "You should talk to her." He said, looking up this time. Ryan glanced at his watch, and stood. "Well I gotta go, I'll see you around." It wasn't really a lie, he did have to go; just not this soon. He stood, and hovered over her for a few seconds, before deciding to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Bye" She said, he gave her a smile before closing the door, and walking briskly down the hall, towards the exit.

**I had to re-work my idea so that Ryan was in this chapter, cause a few of you were asking where he's been and such. But I digress, for those of you who are leaving me feedback thank you very, very much. I really do appreciate it & please click the little button on the bottom of the page that says review! I love hearing what people think. **


	17. Here We Stand

**Down & Out**

**Thank you a million times for the feedback, really and honestly it means a lot to me! Okay so here we go! Enjoy and thanks for reading, reviews are always appreciated. **

**Part Seventeen: Here We Stand**

Marissa glanced at the clock beside her for the tenth time that hour, after Ryan had left she'd been anticipating Alex's arrival. Only to be saddened each time a nurse came in, instead of the blonde.

Six o'clock rolled around, and there was still no sign of Alex. Marissa watched the sun from her window, admiring the light it flooded into the stark room. Wishing she could be out in the sunshine, instead of confined to her bed. She promised herself that if she ever got out of the hospital she'd do whatever she could to help decorate the rooms and make them less boring.

Looking around the room, she faced white walls, beige chairs, and light colored paintings. Off to the side there was a small table with two chairs, and a tv in the corner. Aside from the nightstand and other furniture, the room was vastly empty. Empty and boring, Marissa thought.

Marissa heard a "_thunk_" from the door, and watched it open. Alex walked in rubbing her forehead. Cursing under her breath, she made her way towards Marissa's bed, still rubbing her forehead. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Marissa giggling at her.

"Did you walk into the door?" Marissa questioned, covering mouth. Alex felt a blush creep up her cheeks, as she smiled sheepishly.  
"I'm not that coordinated I guess." Alex said, gesturing towards the door.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'll be fine."  
"Come here," Marissa said, patting her bedside, "Let me see."

Alex forced her feet forward, and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning close to Marissa.

Marissa moved around a bit in the bed, and leaned forward. She pushed the hair behind Alex's ears, and examined her forehead, using her thumb she rubbed it gently. "Does that hurt?" She questioned.

Alex hadn't heard the question, because this was the first time she'd been this close to Marissa in months, it had been a year and more since they'd shared this much space. Alex found it hard to breath, they're faces were mere inches apart. An argument was ensuing in her mind, one side telling her to lean in more and break the space barrier, and the other telling her to back off.

Weighing her choices heavily, she finally snapped out of her daze and leaned back. Breaking Marissa's contact from her forehead. For an instant it almost looked as if Marissa had been hurt by the action, a frown adorned her face but quickly vanished.

Alex got off the bed and sat on the plastic chair beside Marissa, she had to remain a few feet away, she had to keep her distance. She couldn't afford to get lost in Marissa's eyes again, she couldn't try to absorb every detail of her, most importantly she shouldn't try to anything, not until Marissa was ready. If she even was.

"So how's the walking going?" Alex asked, trying to keep her cool.  
"Pretty good I guess, I'm gaining strength in my legs. I can almost walk on my own now, quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself." Marissa said grinning.  
"That's great, pretty soon you'll be able to do it on your own." Alex looked around the room, feeling an uncomfortable silence creeping up.  
"Alex can I ask you something?" Marissa questioned, looking into her blue eyes.  
"Um yeah sure."  
"Were we ev-" Marissa was cut off by a knock from the door.

Looking perplexed she glanced apologetically at Alex, as the door opened. Dr. Jacobson walked in, a big smile plastered to his face.  
"I have some good news." He said looking down at his clipboard, he leafed through a few pages to make sure everything was in order.  
"Marissa, you can go home."  
"Really?" Marissa asked, obviously not expecting that.  
"Yes, I spoke with your mother, and we both feel that you'd be better off there. Your more likely to retain your memory in familiar places. And although I know you adore your lovely room here, I think you'd like a change of scenery." He added with a wink.

When Dr. Jacobson left the room, Marissa turned her attention back to Alex. A dreamy look on her face, "I get to go home." Marissa whispered, unable to believe the news. For a moment Alex was relieved, she had known what was coming. She'd been saved from answering the question that would fit all the pieces of the puzzle together.

"Hey when I get out of here, we're going to hangout right?" Marissa asked, not sure if she'd still be able to see Alex as much once she got out of the hospital.  
"Yeah sure, definitely. Um I'll go call Summer and tell her to pick you up now or something." Alex muttered, looking for an excuse.

The fact that Marissa was being released, gave her not only butterflies, but it harvested a lot of questions. Did that mean she couldn't see her as much? Did that mean she'd have to find a new place to stay? Was she still supposed to stay in Newport? Alex needed air, the questions were starting to suffocate her.

Standing up, Alex gestured towards the door. "I'm gonna call her." She said walking the short distance, she pulled the door open without looking back, but before she closed it she heard Marissa's voice.

"I hope we get a chance to finish our conversation." The words rolled off Marissa's tongue before she could really process what she'd said. Alex looked at her and gave her a forced smile, before nodding and closing the door gently.

Alex was in way over her head, she had no idea what she was going to do. When Dr. Jacobson had said Marissa could go home, everything Alex had considered as a 'routine' would change. She didn't know where this left her.

**Reviews would be great, I know a lot of you might not be too happy about this, I think you were all expecting something a little different. But don't worry! Click the little box on the left, that says "GO" and leave me some feedback maybe? It'd be much appreciated. I'll try to update soon. **


	18. Seeing is Believing

**Down & Out**

**The last chapter was a bit, "dodgy" towards the question you all wanted answered! But I hope you enjoyed it, and how I played it out. The chapter coming up will be good, I promise! Although I haven't written it yet! Anyways enjoy and review!**

**Part Eighteen: Seeing Is Believing **

"Home sweet home." Summer said, kicking the door shut. One of her arms, was around Marissa, supporting her. They moved slowly towards the staircase, both turned their attention to the front door which swung open, Seth walked in; holding two of Marissa's bags.  
"Thanks for shutting the door." He stated, dropping the bags on the ground, in the foyer.  
"Shut up Cohen, maybe if you weren't so slow."  
"Okay those bags were heavy." He said pointing to the bags he had dropped.  
"They're not heavy Seth, your just weak."  
"Say's the girl who's not holding the bags."  
"You want to help Marissa instead? I bet you I could carry those bags and get her upstairs." Seth gave Summer a what he thought to be a, 'yeah right' look; but it looked more like a grimace.  
"Anyways, where'd Alex go?" He asked, changing the subject.  
"I think she said something about going back home for a few days." Summer replied, leading Marissa slowly up the stairs, "What'd she tell you?" Summer questioned Marissa.  
"She actually didn't tell me anything. She said she was going to call you, and I haven't seen or heard from her since." Marissa muttered, sliding one hand up the banister.

Summer gave Seth a look from the stairs, and he followed them up to Marissa's room holding both bags, and breathing heavily. He put the bags in her closet, and helped Summer lead Marissa to the bed.

"Are you going to be okay?" Seth asked, once Marissa was sitting.  
"Yeah, I should be."  
"Are you sure you don't want us to keep you company?" Summer questioned, worry crossing her face.  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just gotta get my bearings. You two go, you've done enough!" Marissa said with a laugh, using her hands to shoo them into Summer's room; which was conjoined by a small bathroom. "I don't want to hear any noises!" Marissa called to the closed door.

A few moments of silence filtered through the room, while Marissa sat catching her breath. Slowly she stood up, bracing herself with the chair. She took a few steps forward, and stopped. After every few steps, she would pause to catch her breath, but push on. After much determination she circled her room on her own, and felt an overpowering of accomplishment.

There was one person on her mind the entire time she had been walking. That one person was her motivation, that one person was the reason why she wanted to be able to move around on her own again.

Laying down in her bed, Marissa closed her eyes and wondered why Alex hadn't said goodbye to her, or called for that matter. It didn't take much to wear Marissa out, because soon after she was sound asleep. Dreaming about a blonde haired girl with sparkling blue eyes.

---

It hadn't taken long to get Alex home, usually it was a two hour drive but when she didn't register street signs she could make it in an hour.

Alex entered her dark apartment and collapsed on her bed, curling up into a ball. She hadn't been home in so long, her own things felt foreign to her. The hospital and Summer's house had become so familiar to her, it felt odd for her to be home; among her own things.

Closing her eyes, Alex tried to push Marissa from her mind. She knew she'd been wrong to leave without saying goodbye, but she couldn't breath. She needed to get out of the hospital, she needed to get out of Newport, she needed to get away from the girl that could make her heart skip a beat.

Alex had no idea where things were with Marissa, that was why she left. She didn't want to deal with it, they were making progress, and it could end whenever Marissa got her memory back. Alex didn't know if she wanted to take the chance to get hurt again. She remembered Billy's advice, but Marissa had hurt her so bad the first time around. Alex needed to know things weren't going to end up that way again, she knew she'd taken the cowards way out but it was okay, at least that's what she kept telling herself.

Alex needed space, and time to clear her mind. If things were going to work out they would. She didn't know if Marissa had wanted space, she hoped Marissa would be okay with what she'd done.

--- two days later ---

"Marissa, your doing it! Look at you go! Your moving around like you used to." Summer exclaimed, clapping her hands. Marissa gave her a smile. She'd spent two days practicing how to walk on her own again, and it had paid off. She could get around on her own, without support, and could go distances without even losing her breath.

Not only that, but Marissa had begun to start remembering more and more things. She'd made enormous progress, even the doctors were astonished. Things were still fuzzy to her, but for the most part certain things were coming back to her at a rapid speed.

That night Marissa sat on the edge of her bed, and held her phone to her ear. She waited patiently for the person on the other end to pick up, the suspense had been killing her.

"So how about that date now?" Marissa questioned right when she heard someone answer, a smile picking at the corner of her lips.

**How was that? Reviews would be greatly appreciated! I promise the next chapter will be good, i just need to write it. And what better motivation for writing, then knowing what you all thought of this chapter?! **


	19. And Darling

**Down & Out**

**Thanks for the reviews everyone, I'm glad people like this story! I really hope you enjoy this chapter, uhmn that's all I can really think of to say at the moment. Personally i'm not that fond of this chapter, but maybe you'll like it. **

**Part Nineteen: And Darling (This Thing That Breaks My Heart)**

Marissa awoke the next morning, with a grin stuck to her face. Today was her big date with Alex, well technically it wasn't a big date but Marissa liked to think it was. Alex agreeing to go had to be a good sign, even though there was hesitation in her voice when she agreed. Marissa shook her head to clear her thoughts, today was supposed to be a good day.

Alex hadn't slept much the previous night, she'd worked a long shift and then gotten a call from Marissa. Not just any call, but a call asking about a date, although Alex wanted to jump at the invitation, she took awhile in deciding.

After she hung up the phone last night, she went to her glove compartment box to get the letter. She hadn't been able to find it though. Alex grew into a panic she needed reassurance, the letter usually provided her with hope. Except she couldn't find it, she searched all her clothes, checked the jeep again, she looked everywhere but couldn't find the damn little letter.

She fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming about the letter, and about the date going badly in her favor. Forcing herself up and out of bed, proved more difficult then she imagined. Finally getting out of bed, she began searching again for the letter. But there was no success, Alex just had no idea where the letter was. She hoped it didn't end up in the wrong hands.

By the time Alex had given up her search, it was already 3 o'clock. She was supposed to be in Newport at 6, which meant she had an hour to get ready. Taking a quick shower, Alex spent most of her time picking out an outfit, which proved to be very difficult. She finally decided on her black CBGB shirt, a denim mini, black leggings, her black converse, and a studded belt.

Alex did a quick double take in the mirror, before grabbing her keys and heading for her car.

Marissa stood in her closet, and looked for something to wear, anything to wear. Nothing seemed suitable, nothing seemed right. Marissa's new found confidence was sinking fast, she was a nervous wreck.

After what seemed like hours, Marissa finally decided on a pair of tight skinny jeans, a pair of black converse, and a white wife beater tank. She liked the fact that she looked casual, but not too casual. She felt that it conveyed the look she was going for.

Marissa hit print on Summer's laptop, and watched as the paper slid out of the machine. Taking the paper she began cutting it, then she hastily put it in an envelope. Grabbing a black hoodie, she threw it on and headed towards the ringing door.

"Hey" Marissa said when she saw Alex.  
"Hi, you look g-" Alex replied, getting cut off.  
"Yeah, you too. Sorry." Marissa muttered realizing she'd interrupted.  
"It's cool, so are you ready?" Alex questioned, giving her a smile.  
"Yeah, almost. I just gotta grab some stuff upstairs."  
"Okay, I'll wait here." Marissa walked briskly up the stairs and into her room, she grabbed the envelope, and a jewel case then proceeded to stuff them into her bag.

Alex watched Marisa go, and realized how much progress she'd made in the past two days. Obviously Marissa could get a lot done when Alex wasn't around. _'Stop it'_ she commanded herself, trying to stop the negative comments her brain was making.

Marissa returned a few seconds later, and the two made their way to Alex's jeep.

"Hey thanks for driving and everything. I would have, but no one really trusts me to be in control of a car yet."  
"It's totally cool, so where to first?"

Marissa put her hand into her bag, and took the envelope out, but for some reason she decided against it. Shoving it back into her bag, she thought of a whole new plan.

"The diner." Marissa said, liking the spontaneous-ness.  
"The diner?" Alex questioned.  
"Yep, the diner." Marissa replied taking out the jewel case, and putting the cd into the player.  
"So I got all dressed up to go to the diner?" Alex asked, putting the car into gear and driving towards the diner.  
"Hey, it'll be fun! We'll grab some breakfast, and then go to the um carnival!" Marissa exclaimed, seeing the lights from her window.

They arrived at the diner, and got a booth instantly. Marissa ordered chocolate chip pancakes, while Alex ordered blueberry ones. The meal was eaten in silence, something Marissa had not been expecting. Alex seemed to be preoccupied the entire night, something was clearly on her mind.

The check arrived, and Marissa stood to pay.  
"Hey, I got this." Alex said, standing as well.  
"No, its on me."  
"I've got a job though, let me pay."  
"I asked you out, so I'm going to pay."  
"But…"  
"Look do you want to dine and ditch?" Marissa asked, a smile playing on her lips.  
"No.."  
"Then let me pay, go wait outside for me." Marissa ordered. Alex walked dejectedly towards the car, and sat in the drivers seat.

Marissa returned to the car within a few minutes, and Alex turned to her as she buckled herself into the seat.

"Hey are you tired?" Alex asked, she knew Marissa had been through a lot the past few days and didn't want to wear her out.  
"Not really, why?"  
"I just don't want you to overwork yourself."  
"Hey if you want to go home, or call it a night just tell me." Marissa joked. The look on Alex's face however made the smile on Marissa's face disappear.  
"Is there something on your mind?" Marissa asked, placing her hand on Alex's thigh. She felt her instantly stiffen at the contact. Marissa sensed she'd gone too far, and quickly removed her hand.  
"Maybe you should just take me home then." Alex remained silent, and drove back to Summer's house.

The atmosphere in the car had changed drastically. A tension filled the air, and neither girl knew how to make sense of what had happened. Alex didn't want to take Marissa home, but the fact that she couldn't find the letter was really bothering her. Marissa on the other hand felt as if Alex didn't really want to be with her, and regretted asking her out in the first place.

Before Alex even turned the car off, Marissa opened her door and jumped out. "Hey," Marissa turned around at the sound of Alex's voice.  
"Um I think I left a pair of pants in your room…do you think I could get them?" Marissa stood stunned, she couldn't believe Alex had actually asked her that. "Just wait here, I'll get them."

Marissa went inside, and up to her room, grabbing the pants in a hurry she didn't notice the letter that fell out of the back pocket. Marissa returned outside, and threw the pants into Alex's backseat and turned around, slamming the front door. Alex winced at the sound, Alex knew she should apologize, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything until she found the letter. She didn't exactly know why, it was just something her gut was telling her.

Taking her phone out, she hit the number one button and waited for the person on the other end.  
"Hey" A male voice said.  
"Hey…" Alex's voice trailed off, as she pulled back onto the main road.  
"It's not even 9 yet, and your calling me? I take it the date didn't go too well?"  
"You could say that again."

After Marissa had slammed the door, she stormed upstairs and sat on her bed, numbly going over everything that had happened. Obviously Alex didn't like her, she seemed to have her mind elsewhere the entire night.

Slipping her shoes off, she noticed the white envelope on the floor, and picked it up. She saw Alex's name on the front, but took out the letter anyway. The handwriting looked very familiar. Marissa scanned the words on the paper, and at that moment everything came back to her.

The accident, graduation, everything she'd been through, but most importantly her and Alex's history. She remembered the bon fire, the way Alex had walked away, their last hug, every little detail came back to her. All the hurt she'd inflicted upon Alex came back, and it tore her heart apart just remembering what'd she'd done to the blonde.

It was no wonder why Alex didn't tell her if they'd been together, and why she never wanted to be really close to Marissa. It even explained why Alex seemed distant during their date. Every little piece was fitting together. Marissa had hurt Alex really badly before, why would anyone want to go through something like that again?

Marissa knew that finding the letter had to have been a sign, this was the second chance she'd been waiting for. This was her chance to make things right, this was her chance to get the girl of her dreams back, this was her chance and she wasn't going to let it slip out of her fingers. She wasn't going to lose Alex a second time.

**How was that? Reviews would be really nice and appreciated! SORRY if you didnt like this chapter, i'm not that fond of it either. But the next one should be good, i promise. and yeah reviews would be appreciated.**


	20. Last Chance to Lose Your Keys

**Down & Out**

**Sorry for such a delayed update! But I hope you enjoy this chapter. As always reviews are always appreciated and thanks for reading! Enjoy. **

**Part Twenty: Last Chance to Lose Your Keys **

"Summer, Summer, Summer!" Marissa yelled through her position on the bed. She stood and stuffed the letter into her back pocket, then began pacing, waiting for Summer.  
"Are you okay? What happened?" Summer asked, rushing into the room, doubling over and breathing hard.  
"I need your help." Marissa stated simply.  
"What happened?" Summer questioned, through strained breaths.  
"Wait why're you home so early? I thought tonight was your date…"  
"It didn't go over too well, but that's not the point."  
"It's not?"  
"Summer, I remember everything." Summer's mouth dropped open, and her eyes got wide, "Wait you remember everything?"  
"Yeah…Look I need your help."  
"Okay…with what?" Summer asked, confusion written across her face.  
"I need you to help me get Alex back."  
"What do you mean get her back?"

Marissa pulled the letter out from her back pocket, and held it in front of Summer, "Do you remember when I asked you to give this to her? After I left for Hawaii?" Summer merely nodded, sitting down on Marissa's bed. "After our date tonight, I didn't think she liked me…but then I found this and everything just kind of came back to me. How I hurt her, and everything I put her through. I think that's why she seemed kind of distant tonight. I want to show her that she's the one for me, and that I won't put her through something like that again." Marissa said taking a deep breath, after her declaration.

"What is it that you want me to do?" Summer asked, folding her hands in her lap. "I need you to help me figure out where she is, I'm going to go up there and get her back, but I don't want her to know." Marissa said, determination lacing her voice.  
"Do you think it'd be fishy, if I called Alex for her address?" Summer questioned, looking at Marissa.  
"Maybe a little bit."  
"I can call the bar she works at…" Summer said taking out her phone, and going through her phonebook.

Marissa sat quietly next to Summer, not wanting to blow her cover.  
"Hi, is Alex there? Oh she's not working tonight. Right well do you think it'd be possible for me to get her home address? No, okay well thanks. Yeah, really? Okay thank you so much. Bye." Summer hung up her phone and turned to face Marissa again, "Okay so they couldn't give me her address, but they did tell me that she's working tomorrow night."  
"Thanks Sum, I owe you big." Marissa said, engulfing Summer into a hug, and not letting go.  
"Coop, can't breath." Summer giggled, while Marissa let go. "Do you really remember everything?"  
"Yeah, it just all came back to me. Kind of like the letter was the key to unleashing it all…okay that sounded a lot cooler in my head."  
"That did sound a little coheney, even for you."  
"Coheney?"  
"You know, something Seth would say. But anyways get some sleep and we'll figure out how to get her back tomorrow okay?"  
"Okay, thanks again." Marissa said pulling Summer in for another hug.  
"Anytime." Summer replied walking to her room, and closing the door.

Marissa awoke the next morning, literally jumping out of bed. She barged her way into Summer's room, and woke her up.  
"Marissa I know you really want Alex, but seriously. This is my sleep your interfering with."  
"But your already awake!"  
"Because of you." Summer said pushing herself up in bed. Summer patted the area next to her, and Marissa got under the covers next to her. "Let's hear your plan."  
"Well I was thinking maybe just showing up…."  
"Just showing up?"  
"Well…"  
"C'mon Coop I know your more romantic than that."  
"Can you help me?"  
"I know you can come up with something."  
"Fine, but will you at least help me pick out an outfit for tonight?"  
"Of course I will, but later. First let's get some more sleep." Summer said smiling and going back under the covers. Marissa laughed and followed suit.

Hours later, Marissa opened her eyes surprised to see Summer gone. Slowly she climbed out of Summer's bed and glanced at the clock, it read 3 pm. Surprised at the time, Marissa started stretching her sore limbs and paddled towards the bathroom. She washed her face, brushed her hair, and brushed her teeth before returning to her own room and eyeing her closet.

Summer stood behind her a few minutes later, holding two Starbucks cups. "I thought you might need a little caffeine but you seem to be up and ready already. Someone's really excited."  
"More like nervous, but thanks." Marissa said taking the cup.  
"So do you know what your going to wear?" Marissa shook her head no, "I don't know what kind of outfit this occasion is."  
"You could always wear something that has like a meaning…"  
"So what like a hospital gown?" Marissa joked, nudging Summer.  
"Real funny." Summer scoffed.  
"Well I was wearing this kind of peachy colored top when I really knew I liked her…when we saw Rachel Yamagata play…"  
"So wear that…I can't believe you know what you were wearing that was like over a year ago."  
"It's amazing isn't it? How much we can remember about certain days." Marissa said pulling the top off the hanger, and tossing it on her bed.

A few hours passed, while the two best friends continued to raid their closets looking for the perfect pants and shoes.  
"I hate to say this Coop, but you gotta go."  
"What're you talking about? I have like 3 hours."  
"Yeah, but your not allowed to drive fast, I want you to obey the speed limit. I don't want to have to go to the hospital again."  
Marissa sighed, and gave Summer a hug, "How do I look?" She questioned spinning around.  
"For the hundredth time, you look hot." Summer replied crossing her arms, a tired smile on her face.

Marissa unplugged her ipod, and shoved a small postcard into her back pocket. She made her way towards the front door, with Summer trailing behind her.  
"Thanks for your help."  
"No problem, and hey good luck. Now go get your girl back!" Summer called, waving from the front door.

Marissa threw her purse into the passenger side, put the keys into the ignition and plugged her ipod into her car, letting the music fill the silence. Pulling out of the driveway she looked one last time at Summer's retreating figure in the doorway before speeding off.

**the next chapter will be the last one.**


	21. My Beautiful Rescue

**Down & Out**

**This is the last chapter, the previous chapter only got 3 reviews! Thank you for the reviews and motivation, I hope you enjoy the ending. Other than that, I'll have a new story up in the next few days/week. As always reviews are appreciated. **

**Part Twenty One: My Beautiful Rescue**

Marissa had been driving for well over two hours before she finally found the bar. Pulling into one of the free parking spots, she looked around the lot hoping to see a yellow jeep. Her eyes scanned the cars, but never found a trace of yellow. A feeling of despair began to fill her up, as she realized Alex might not be there.

Slowly she got out of her red mustang, and closed her eyes; leaning against the car. She saw herself walking in through the doors, and seeing Alex manning the bar. She saw Alex's eyes double in size, and saw her walk out from behind the bar. She saw Alex walk towards her, and felt her take her hands in her own.

Marissa heard a whistle, and opened her eyes briefly to see two men standing at the corner eyeing her. She started to rub her arms to rid the chill, and made her way quickly towards the bar's entrance. She still felt their eyes on her even as she entered.

Her eyes went directly to the center of the bar, no Alex, then she scanned the rest of the bar, but there was still no sign of Alex. The feeling in the pit of her stomach became worse and she tried to push it aside as she made her way to the counter.

The dark haired bartender gave her a smile as she drew closer, "What can I get you?" He asked, clearly entranced by her beauty.  
"Actually I'm looking for someone…"  
"Oh and who might that be?" He asked setting down the glass in his hands. However before Marissa could answer, an older gentlemen placed his hand on the bartender's shoulder and told him to go clean the bathroom.

"Sorry about that." The older man said, while the younger one retreated towards the men's room.  
"It's fine…"  
"Now what can I do for you?"  
"I'm looking for Alex, do you know where she is?"  
"Let me guess, your Marissa?"  
"Yeah how'd you know?"  
"She's mentioned you a few times." Billy stated.  
"Oh…Well I thought she was working tonight. I guess I was wrong."  
"No she's here, she's watching that One Tree show."  
"Wait Alex is watching One Tree Hill?" Marissa questioned her eyebrows quirked up.  
"Yeah she says that no one can bother her for an hour when she watches it. She gets really angry. It's her one hour of happy time."  
"Wow."  
"So what're you doing here?"  
"I'm…I'm here to get her back." Marissa said eyes cast downward.  
"Well its about time." Billy laughed. Marissa looked up into his deep eyes and felt a smile creep onto her face.

Billy walked around the bar to the back room, with Marissa trailing behind him. He knocked on the door and opened it a little bit sticking his head in.  
"Brooke and Lucas are so over." Marissa overhead a male's voice.  
"Alex there's someone here to see you." Alex didn't even rip her eyes away from the screen to acknowledge Billy. "Later." She muttered.  
"Decan is that damn show almost over?"  
"In like five minutes." Billy closed the door and turned to Marissa.  
"How do you want to go about this?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Do you want to just go in there and interrupt her happy time? Or wait for it to be over?"  
"Honestly? I want to interrupt her happy time." Marissa said with a grin.  
"It's all yours, tell me how it goes, I'm going to go back to the bar." He patted her on the shoulder, and gave her a thumbs up before going back to manage the crowd that had formed around the bar.

Hesitantly Marissa knocked on the door, there was no response so she knocked louder. "Go away." Marissa heard Alex yell. Slowly Marissa turned the knob, and the door opened. "Come on please, the show's almost over." Alex whined not turning around.

"Fine if you really want me to leave." Marissa said playfully. Alex's head snapped towards Marissa's direction. Her mouth agape, her eyes doubled in size. "Oh man next week's episode looks so good." The boy sitting next to Alex said, he turned to look at Alex, and followed Alex's gaze and looked at Marissa as well, confusion written across both their features.  
"Marissa? What are you doing here?"  
"I wanted to see you." Marissa stated simply, "But if you want me to go." She added turning around. Alex literally jumped out of her seat, "No I was just. No." Alex said following behind Marissa.

When Marissa passed Billy she gave him a wink, and he watched Alex follow her out of the bar into the dark California night. She headed straight for her car, when they were near the car Marissa felt Alex grab her wrist. "Stop, can you tell me what your doing here?" Alex's voice emitted no firmness, she just wanted confirmation. Marissa spun her around and put her hands on Alex's hips pinning her to the car.

A playful smile adorned Marissa's face, "So you like One Tree Hill huh? Since when have you been a fan of teen drama?" "Marissa do you want to tell me what this is about?" Alex asked her voice tired. The smile soon faded as Marissa buried her face into Alex's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." Marissa said, over and over again trying to push back her tears. Alex started rubbing circles on the taller girls' back, but after awhile she gently pushed her back.  
"Do you want to go somewhere and talk?" Alex asked hesitantly. Marissa nodded mutely. "Do you want me to drive?" Alex questioned, pushing herself off the car. Marissa held out her keys to Alex quietly, before climbing into the passenger side. Alex took a deep breath before getting into the drivers seat.  
"There's a beach not far from here, it's nothing like the beaches in Newport but it's still a beach."  
"Okay." Marissa said picking up her ipod and scrolling through her play lists. Rachel Yamagata's voice filled the car, as the two sat quietly; both being engulfed by the memories.

Alex parked Marissa's car into one of the many open spots, and killed the engine, stopping the music as well. Slowly she turned her attention to Marissa who seemed to be lost in thought.  
"You want to go for a walk?" Alex offered.  
"I'd like that." Marissa said, turning her attention back to Alex.

They both exited the car, and began walking across the empty beach. The silence was almost unbearable, there was a calmness to it though; almost a feeling of common ground. Marissa surprised Alex by looping her arm around Alex's and pulling her to the ground. They sat side by side, arms still intertwined.

"Sorry about last night." Alex said after awhile, "I had something on my mind…I really did have a good time with you though if that means anything."  
"I think this is yours." Marissa muttered digging her free hand into her front pocket, pulling out the crumpled letter, and offering it to Alex. Slowly Alex took the envelop out of Marissa's hand, "How long have you had this?" Alex questioned.  
"I found it last night."

Alex remained quiet looking at her name written across the front of the envelope, while Marissa watched her quietly.  
"I remember everything Alex." The words caught Alex off guard, everything that had happened had led up to this point. A few more moments of silence passed as Alex tried to figure out what to say.  
"Marissa what do you want?" Her voice came out tired, almost as if she'd relived everything they'd been through in her head.  
"I just want you, Alex. I don't know what else to say. You've done so much for me, even when I didn't deserve you. I don't think I ever deserved you."

Alex felt tears prick her eyes, but didn't dare let one fall. She knew she had to be strong, she didn't want to end up hurt like last time.  
"How do I know you won't hurt me again? How do I know you won't go back to Ryan? I know he loves you, he told me so."  
"He may love me, but I don't love him. I didn't mean to hurt you the first time…I just didn't know what I wanted, and I know that sounds bad but I was confused. I cared about you so much and it scared me. The fact that I knew I loved you scared me, I'd never felt that way about anyone before. When you left things got worse, even when I was with Ryan. He never meant as much to me as you do, no one's meant as much to me as you have." The tears Alex had been trying to stop from falling, began to fall freely. "You know if I could take back everything that's happened I don't know if I would, the accident brought us back together, and for that I'm grateful. I love you Alex, I've always loved you and I wish that I deserved your love."

Marissa had been looking down the entire time she'd made her declaration to Alex, when she finally lifted her gaze she saw that the blonde was crying. Using her free hand Marissa brushed the tears away. She removed their intertwined arms and took Alex's hand in her own. Slowly Marissa brought Alex's hand to her mouth and placed a simple kiss on her knuckles.

Marissa leaned her head on Alex's shoulder, and used her free hand to pull the postcard out of her back pocket. She handed Alex the card, not bothering to lift her head from the comfortable spot it had made on Alex's shoulder.

"I was going to send this into post secret, but I figured you'd want to know my secret." Alex looked down at the small decorated card in her hand, and read the words that had been written. _'The only thing I regret is letting her go.' _Alex leaned her head on top of Marissa's and sighed aloud. Her thumb began to rub Marissa's knuckles the way she'd done in the hospital.  
"There've been two nights in my life that have meant a lot to me. And both times they involve you and that shirt your wearing right now. You were wearing that shirt the night we saw Rachel play and I knew then and there when you took my hand that I was going to fall for you. And tonight when I saw you wearing that shirt I knew something big was going to happen. I…I wish I knew how to tell you what I've been through the past months. Despite everything that you've put me through, I can't explain why I'm still drawn to you. I've always been drawn to you."

"Alex do you think you could ever give me another shot?" Marissa whispered, turning so that she said it into Alex's neck. Alex lifted her head up, put the card on the sand next to her, and tilted Marissa's face up towards hers. "I love you, you know that?" Alex said, leaning forward and crashing their lips together. Alex felt Marissa nod and tried to suppress a giggle, "I love you too." Marissa mumbled into the kiss.

**The End **

**once again thank you so much for the continued reviews, and for reading this story in general. it really does mean a lot to me. thank you, thank you, thank you. if i could send a message to each of you who've reviewed i would. in fact i think i just might for this chapter. this has been one of my longest stories i've ever written on fanfiction, and its kind of sad to see it be over. but something new will be up soon. i promise.**


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